Two weeks ago on Monday my boyfriend and I broke up. Due to Cayden's sperm donor. He purposely ruined the best thing outside of Cayden in my life. I was happy and he did not like it. Dispite the fact that he is involed in his own relationship with a girl who was 16 when we had Cayden. He knows what buttons to press when it comes to me, he knows just how to say something to get my mind going and after that there is no stopping me. I just don't think and my thoughts race. And now I am misrable all over again and he is wallowing in my misery. And the funny thing is that he thinks that everything can just go back to me not hating him. Well I am sorry he has crossed the line way too MANY times and I am not going to forgive him. I have changed my cell phone number and although he has it he is not to contact me unless it has to do with our child. Speaking of our child he has not seen him in over a month. Which breaks my heart because Cayden asks about him all the time. I have gotten to the point where I want to file custody papers that state if he misses just one vistation with Cayden without giving a valid reason his vistation rights will be cut off. I honestly would never take Cayden back but if I could go back and do my whole life over again I would have never gotten mixed up with his father in the first place. It would save not only me but my child from the heartache that he has caused in both of our lives. I have honestly had it with him and his excuses and lies and I am not going to stand for it any longer. As for the boyfriend he says that if he still has feelings for me in a year that he MIGHT give me a second chance. So what am I suppose to do wait around and hope that a year from now that he still has feelings. But even before I do that he wants me to seek some help if not from a shrink but from someone like a pastor or priest. He feels that my issues go beyond just having my friends help me out. Some yes, I will admit do...but others honestly have stemed from bad relationship with boys or men or family members. Some of my issues though I really don't want to face at this moment in time. Maybe a few months from now when I feel I am ready then maybe. But I am not going to face them just because someone thinks I should. I am going to do it on my own time for my own reasons. Although I must admit that having Duane(yes my boyfriend and my exhusband have the same name) back in my life would just make things peacher. He was my first love which I know seems weird that I am 29 years old and have had many relationships that someone who just recently entered my life could be my first love, but it is really something hard to explain. He made me happy and our relationship worked because we were not around eachother all the time since he lived an hour away. And although we did not have much in common we were in my eyes at least that perfect balance of oppisites attract. Well I must be ending this due to the fact that I am in class and we are not suppose to be on the internet unless it is school realted. So tata for now.